


T'Shirt Full of Chemistry

by Museohmuse



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AO3 Fundraiser Auction, Alive Laura Hale, Alternate Universe - Human, First Time, M/M, Top!Stiles, bottom!Derek, i've suddenly remembered that i suck at tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:13:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9099928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Museohmuse/pseuds/Museohmuse
Summary: When Stiles and Derek meet on a public bus where the final stop may or may not be hell, it makes perfect sense to see if their transportation tango works well off the system. Featuring meddlesome harpies, sibling aggression, diner threats, and a sex-off.--Or, a very belated continuation of wiski's "The Pro's and Con's of Public Transportation" series for the AO3 Fundraiser Auction (2013).





	1. Part One: The Jump

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wiski](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiski/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Falling For You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/708051) by [wiski](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiski/pseuds/wiski). 



> Welp. This was three years in the making, and now I release it to the wilds. Be free, my fic! 
> 
> It might make more sense to read wiski's works before this for some context, but this could also stand alone. 
> 
> Thanks to wiski for prompting this to me and for getting my ass back into writing. So sorry for the wait!
> 
> This is unbetaed, so any faults you see are mine. 
> 
> Title is a play off Panic!At the Disco's "Collar Full," a lovely song.

Derek glared at the small piece of paper Stiles left in his pocket. Unsurprisingly, the note was silent, though Derek could swear that the winky face bore more malice than expected. He huffed in exasperation, tossing it aside so he could return to his work. 

Only to pick it back up seconds later. 

Derek was a slave to an innocuous note; he would never admit it aloud, but his mind supplied it willingly. Derek highly doubted he would do anything about the number provided; in a perfect world, Derek would boldly text - no, call - his commute companion and ask him on a date, refusing to take no for an answer. In reality, Derek was uncomfortable with the mere idea of making the first move. 

But he was left with no other option. Stiles didn't have his number, so the ball was in his court. If Derek didn't know for sure that they had never met before, he would have suspected Laura had a hand in this to force him to be proactive. 

Derek didn't do _this_ \- he was always the one in control, the one who made the other party wait anxiously for a follow up. God, why would he ever put people through this agony? Laura was right to call him an asshole on his best days. (Not that he would ever admit that, even under the most painful duress.) 

What was even the proper protocol for this? Did he wait a day, to show he had some restraint? Or would that backfire and make him seem apathetic? There seemed to be no winning in this vicious cycle.

Deer huffed at the note, resolutely folding it and sticking it near his rarely used pencil holder; he didn't need this inane stress on his shoulders ( _broad and stable, something he could definitely hold onto and grip when he changed the angle_ \- goddamn) when he had legitimate work to do. 

Working at a computer company had never been Derek's aspiration. He had a degree in business management - he figured he would land a stable, static job in a department store and live with the regret of what great things he could have accomplished. But somehow, he lucked out with Boyd Industries, a new business that was working its way up in the computer industry and looking for new blood. It might have also helped that Vernon Boyd V, the owner's son and the company's VP, was one of his best friends. Derek owed a lot to his dear friend, nepotism. 

Cracking his fingers, a habit he picked up once he realized how much it irked Laura, Derek started to sort the forms that needed to be filled out by the end of the day. Settling down, he allowed the usual white noise around him of keyboards clacking, papers rustling, and chairs squeaking to pull him into his zone.

The distant clacking of heels on the marble floors should have been enough warning; but it was too late to react before a body was suddenly sitting on his desk, completely obstructing his work space. Derek looked up to see Erica lounging nearly on top of him, pleased as could be with a wide smile on her face. 

"Derek, you look far too focused," she stated, crossing her ankles and smiling wider when she caught the eyes of several people who'd looked up to see her shift in that tight skirt of hers. (Derek has tried to plea dress code infractions, but Laura - who didn't even work there - retorted that if someone looked as good as Erica, the rules could not apply to her. Erica took Laura's word as gospel, so that had been the end of that dispute.)

"Nice to see one of us is," Derek grumbled, trying his hardest to appear unruffled by the fact that Erica planted herself basically all over his paperwork. "Now would you mind moving? I'm trying to pull my weight in this business."

"Derek, what brash accusations!" Erica gasped, her cherry red lips hung low in affront. "It almost sounds like you're implying that I'm doing the exact opposite, which is obviously not true at all."

"I wonder what gave me that idea," Derek drawled, glaring heavily at where his paperwork peeked out from under Erica. 

Erica smacked his arm, and winked lasciviously at him. "You know you only need ask." Derek pulled a face that had Erica snorting unattractively, which Derek counted as a victory.

"Besides," Erica continued, hopping (to the joy of his coworkers) off the desk and walking to Derek's other side, "how can you possibly focus with all this clutter?"

To his horror, Erica plucked up Stiles' note and made a move to throw it in the trash. Before he could really think it through, Derek's hand shot out and grabbed Erica's wrist, and blurted out, "That's not trash!"

Erica's eyes widened as she looked down at Derek's hand to his certainly humiliated face. Derek jerked away from her, unfortunately not able to grab the slip in his escape. "Well, well," Erica said in a dangerous tone, "what do we have here?" Derek burned holes into his desk, desperate to avoid Erica's gaze as he heard the crinkle of paper as she unwrapped the note. 

"Oh, my, Hale," Erica purred, placing the note on his desk so she could lean back on both hands to give Derek a leery once over. "Have you been getting busy without telling anyone?"

"It's my life, you know," Derek grumbled. "I don't have to let you know about anything."

"And it's that attitude that makes me so nosy in the first place," Erica replied primly. "Now spill, before I send Lydia on you." Derek couldn't hold back a shudder at the name. Lydia was an evil genius and Erica's partner in crime. By some luck, Lydia and Laura had never met - and Derek would be damned if they ever did. She lead another department in the company, the one actually involving the computer technology, and ruled it with a perfectly manicured fist. 

"Lydia will do as she pleases, and you know that." Derek was bluffing, but he knew the statement to be true, regardless. 

"And she would definitely be interested in this," Erica said, knowing that Derek was trapped. 

Derek glared at her, but he knew that disclosure with Erica was preferable to an interrogation with her and Lydia. "He's just some guy I met since I've been taking the bus."

"'Just some guy,' huh?" Erica drawled. "Lydia, what do you think?"

Derek flinched when Lydia's voice came out of Erica's phone - when she had managed to dial it without Derek noticing completely escaped him. "Sounds intriguing. I'm on my way." She hung up abruptly, and Erica closed the call with a smug smile on her face. 

"You are insufferable," Derek said. 

"Thank you," Erica replied with a flip of her hair. 

Lydia appeared right in the middle of their stare down, rolling her eyes at them like their act was child's play. "Erica, let it go. You weren't going to win in the first place. Hell hath no fury like a Hale scorned." 

Derek wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a compliment on his behalf, but he did not acknowledge it either way. Erica looked offended for a couple seconds before shrugging it off. "So who's the lucky boy?" Lydia asked grabbing a nearby chair and rolling it over so she could perch in it with a supremely haughty look on her face. 

"Stiles," Derek said, cowed by the force of Lydia and Erica's stares combined. "His name is Stiles."

There were rare opportunities for one to see a surprised Lydia Martin, and Derek was lucky enough to witness such an instance. She and Erica exchanged a look compiled with too many emotions for Derek to effectively parse through. 

Erica nearly bowled Derek over to reach his laptop, quickly bypassing his password (which he completely blamed Laura for passing on) and opened up the Internet. 

"What are you" -

"Helping your ass, now shut up," Erica murmured, logging into Facebook and searching through her contacts. Derek looked to Lydia for an explanation - or some help - but she only smiled mysteriously. 

"There!" Erica cried, startling Derek since it was right in his ear. "Is that Loverboy?" 

Derek looked at the screen, and there Stiles was, his profile picture featuring a wild, beautiful smile while wearing, and Derek used this word sparingly, an adorable wolf hat with paws as mittens. He nodded, unable to look away from that bright, unashamed smile so familiar to him despite their brief meetings. 

"I can't believe it's our Stiles, Lydia!" Erica said. 

"He's definitely grown into his looks," Lydia remarked, looking at Stiles' page over Derek's shoulders. "If he had waited a couple more years, he could have gotten at least a week with me." 

"Wait, wait," Derek said, halting the nostalgia. "You guys know him?"

"Oh, yeah," Erica replied, a fond expression on her face. "We all went to school together - Lydia's known him since grade school." 

"We went to university together, too," Lydia said. "We've kept in touch since after graduation - he usually calls to tell me about some venture I've walked circles around by that point." Even Lydia looked at Stiles' profile picture with fondness, an expression not usually associated with her. 

"I wonder where he's working for him to be taking the bus," Erica mused. "That must mean that he lives nearby, or close enough to get the bus." 

"I guess that means that monstrosity he was driving finally bit the dust," Lydia said. 

"Oh my god!" Erica crowed. "That jeep was the hottest mess to ever park in the school lot!" 

"Okay!" Derek cried. He was immediately shushed by his coworkers, and Erica addressed him with a wave of her hand like 'what are you going to do?' "How is this is any way helping me?" he continued in a quieter voice. 

"Well, now you have more than one in!" Erica replied, grinning. 

"And you know what you're getting yourself into," Lydia added, making suspicion rise in Derek. 

"I mean, this isn't fair, right?" Derek started uneasily. "I'm just like some stalker creep guy with a huge advantage against Stiles." 

"You're not wrong, Derek, but welcome to the 21st century," Lydia sighed, sounding like each syllable was a waste of her time. 

"Besides, if the tables were turned, we'd be doing the same thing with Stiles," Erica added. "And I promise you, you'll thank us for this."

"Did he kill someone or something?" Derek asked, bracing himself for the worst. 

Erica laughed loudly, but no one moved to shush her. "He's been lucky that he's survived without someone killing him," she cackled. 

"His dad's the Sheriff of Beacon Hills," Lydia said. Fear struck through Derek like someone had stabbed him in the back. 

"God, you look like someone's holding a gun to your head," Erica giggled, moving her hand to ruffle his hair. Derek quickly shut that down with a smack to the hand and a glare to warn her from doing it again. 

"He's a real softie," Lydia reassured him in a rare show of comfort. 

"Everyone's a softie to you, you terrify them into submission," Derek grumbled. Lydia beamed like Derek had given her a compliment. 

Erica took Derek's laptop and opened a new tab to Facebook. She typed in what Derek believed was the Sheriff's name - John Stilinski - and his page popped up. The man bore some resemblances to Stiles in his eyes and smile - but something about him seemed familiar. 

"I - I think I actually might know the Sheriff. From the night of the fire," Derek said. That night had been such a blur - and through it all was the comfort of one police officer whose name he couldn't pronounce, but who provided a solid grip and soothing words. 

Derek and Laura had moved from California after the fire, wanting to remove themselves from their grief. They hadn't been back since. But as of last year, they started making tentative plans to fix the house up so they could use it as a second house: their home away from home away from home, as it were. 

"He's a great man," Erica said softly. 

"But he's not who we're concerned with," Lydia said sharply, grabbing the mouse to click out of the Sheriff's page and moved to Stiles' pictures. "We know Stiles, and you don't. If you're going to get to know him, stalking his pictures is your way in."

So Derek began clicking through Stiles' pictures. Most of them featured a boy named Scott McCall - "They've been best friends since forever," Erica explained. "They've been through it all." - and with him came Allison Argent, who Scott met in high school and dated through college. "They're expecting their first child soon, I think," Lydia remarked. 

The pictures from Scott and Allison's wedding nearly killed Derek: Stiles was wearing a white suit with a deep red shirt and white bow tie. The suit fit him perfectly, clutching at his broad shoulders and hugging his thighs. There was one picture of Stiles adjusting his bow tie, showcasing his thin, long fingers. 

"Watch yourself, Hale, or I'll hose you down," Lydia warned - and rightfully so, Derek grudgingly agreed. 

Pictures further back showed a Stiles fresh out of high school, his now long hair only starting to grow and his features in their transition from a boy's look to a man's. There were a couple pictures that looked like they were taken in a club - "Do you remember The Jungle?" Erica asked. "Stiles was in there all the time once the Queens got a hold on him and pushed him out the closet." 

Pictures in that era also featured a boy with whom Stiles seemed very familiar - in a physical sense, at the least. "Oh, baby Danny!" Erica cooed, grinning at the picture of Stiles and this Danny smiling at the camera, arms thrown over each other's shoulders and their sweaty bodies plastered together. 

"They had a summer fling after Stiles came out," Lydia explained. "It was mostly Danny's chance at a rebound when he broke up with his long term boyfriend."

Derek was surprised by the wave of anger he felt at seeing Stiles with another man. He'd known Stiles for less than a month, exchanging words with each other for at least thirty minutes for five days a week - if there was even that. The feelings of possessiveness were unwarranted, yet there they were. 

If anything showed on his face, the girls thankfully didn't point it out. But Derek was suddenly eager to channel his anxiety into sending Stiles a text - but he immediately shut that thought down, possibilities of rejection too daunting. 

"What exactly are you waiting for?" Lydia asked, her tone bordering on irritated, throwing up red flags in Derek's mind. Lydia was courteous in the way she gave early warnings when someone was boring her - but those were the only warnings he would get before she struck. 

"I don't know what to do?" Derek winced as soon as the words left his mouth, sounding a lot more pathetic than he intended. 

Lydia and Erica frowned in unison. "I don't understand what is so hard about this," Erica said. "Literally all you have to do is text him." 

"But - it's not that easy!" Derek knew he was wrong, and he knew Erica and Lydia knew he knew. But that didn't make the task any less frightening. Stiles might have slipped him his number, but he could have changed his mind as soon as he stepped off the bus. 

"Derek, you have fifteen seconds to construct your own text before you surrender your phone to me," Erica replied icily, lifting her eyebrow as if to dare Derek to fight her. Derek refused to show fear, but his face was pulling into an expression without his say so. 

"The clock is ticking, Derek," Lydia added, her tone light with a steely undertone. 

Derek huffed, reaching uneasily for the note and sliding his phone towards him. He stared at a blank text screen for more than his allotted time, trying to figure out what approach he wanted, and what Stiles would want from him. Did Stiles have expectations of him at this point? Could he get away with anything, establish a totally different personality than what Stiles knew for those short moments on the bus? 

"Quit having an existential moment and send a damn text," Erica snapped. Derek was startled into action, his fingers typing out a simple 'hey this is Derek from the bus,' and hitting send before he could question it. 

A deep sigh escaped Derek involuntarily and he slowly allowed his body to relax. Lydia was laughing lightly at him, while Erica wasn't even trying to hide anything as she snorted. 

"You're acting like you just disabled a bomb, Derek," Lydia said. "It was just a text, calm down." Count on Lydia to belittle his achievements; even if she was right, Derek still saw it as a giant leap for mankind. 

"Alright, let him sweat out waiting for a response on his own," Erica said, amusement still clear in his voice. "If we delay him any longer from his work, he'll try to rip our throats out." 

"With my teeth," Derek added, pulling his laptop to him pointedly. 

"Don't act all high and mighty, Derek, I was taking a well-deserved break," Lydia said. With her, Derek could believe that excuse. He also knew her workers would need a break from her tearing their work and souls to shreds. 

"Good bye," Derek said loudly, eliciting hissing from his coworkers. Derek scowled at them until they turned their eyes back to work (after lingering on Erica and Lydia). 

"You're welcome," Erica drawled, shoving his shoulder roughly before walking off. 

"Good luck," Lydia said, not sounding very encouraging. But Derek accepted it with a nod, getting a fleeting smile from Lydia in response. 

Finally alone, Derek tried to go back to work, but was constantly distracted by checking his phone for a text. When ten minutes passes, he contemplated sending a follow up text, even as all his senses protested the idea. Finally, just when Derek was letting himself believe that Stiles wanted no part of him, his phone beeped to signify a text.

Derek opened it quickly, not chancing a glance at the preview. 

>>>hey, man! i was wondering when you would text me :P

Holy shit. Stiles was waiting for him. Derek could feel his failure in his bones, but was startled when he got another text alert. 

>>>im glad you got a hold of me, don't get me wrong. if it were me, my eager beaver self would have texted you ASAP

And Derek would have had no problem with that. He finally took the time to write his own text: 

>>>Sorry it took so long, I was trying to work up the courage to reach out to you 

Derek's heart was racing as he sent the text. He was never this forward, this open, with potential prospects, and it thrilled him as much as it scared him. 

It didn't take long to get a response from Stiles: 

>>>wow i never would have expected an answer like that. maybe some bullshit story about you saving a baby from a burning tree 

Derek was not making any friends at work that day as he was shushed yet again for his sharp laugh. 

>>>I don't even think I've ever seen a burning tree in real life

>>>consider that a blessing. although one would think that any tree that catches your eye would burn right on the spot

When Derek felt laughter bubbling up in his chest, he took pity on his coworkers and left his desk to go into a nearby break room. It was thankfully empty, though it wasn't much of a surprise considering it was still hours away from the office lunch break. 

>>>So was that a pick up line or are you telling me that I'm destined to part the Pacific Ocean? 

>>>save your people from capitalist america! 

Stiles followed that message up with several emojis that apparently spurred a rebellious nature. Before Derek could reply, he received yet another text notification. 

>>>but to be fair, there are far better things you could be parting. 

Derek felt his ears burn as the image blossomed in his mind's eye: Stiles' pale skin bruising easily as Derek licks and kisses a path from his ankle to his thighs, petting the soft skin and keeping a firm grip as Stiles squirms, huffing and sighing and moaning; and finally, finally pulling Stiles' legs apart, Stiles eagerly acquiescing with minute thrusts of his hips, desperate for Derek to put him out of his sweet misery and -

The vibrating in his hands jolted Derek from further exploring the fantasy (and the embarrassment of being fully aroused in his workspace). 

>>>wat do u want 4 dinner

Laura's usual lack of punctuation and grammar never failed to make Derek snort 

>>>not sure if I can make dinner tonight

This response wouldn't be out of the ordinary considering Derek's aversion to Laura's abominations in the kitchen, but he was actually pretty intent on asking Stiles out, which crushed him with waves of anxiety and excitement. 

>>>quit being a pussy. wat u gotta hot date or smth

Derek rolled his eyes, and prepared himself as he clicked her number to call her, because if he were to text her his plans, she would end up calling him anyway. Better to bite the bullet than risk the chance of losing the upper hand. 

Laura picked up on the second ring, but Derek immediately started in, not giving her a chance to talk. "Listen, I may or may not have an extremely hot date tonight, and yes I know I never told you about him, but that's because you know exactly how you get when it comes to my love life - well, how you get with any aspect of my life: overbearing and merciless. So don't even try and fight me on this." Laura was blessedly silent, somehow struck dumb by Derek's offensive stance, so he continued in a softer tone. 

"I met him on the bus I take to work in the morning, and he's really funny and cute and I didn't want to kill him when he made fun of that stupid beer belly shirt. So yes, I want to ask him out and probably take him back home afterwards. So not only can you not make dinner because you don't know how to clean up after yourself, but I want you gone, okay? You always complain about my sex noises making you want to run away to a convent and become a born-again virgin, so here is some forewarning for you." 

There was still silence on the other end, something Derek's not sure he was ever familiar with in a conversation with his talkative older sister. "Laura?" he prompted. 

"I really hate to break this to you, buddy, but this isn't Laura," a decidedly non-Laura and frighteningly familiar voice responded. 

Derek released an absurdly high squeak, choking on spit. "Oh my - Stiles?" he cautioned, praying fervently that he did not spend ten minutes confessing to Stiles that he wanted to sex him up after a hypothetical dinner. 

"The one and only," Stiles chuckled. His voice sounded so nice over the phone, still carrying the amusement and easiness in his voice like Derek was talking to him in person, and Derek wanted to die. 

"I am so - this was not - can we just -" and Derek couldn't finish a damn sentence so he just wimped out and hung up. Derek felt supremely proud of himself for not immediately throwing his phone against the wall and ending this horror permanently. All he could do was stare down at his traitor hands and try to piece together a reality where there was shitty reception on Stiles' part so he could only hear every four words. 

"Oh god," Derek groaned into his hands. There was no way in hell Stiles would even want to see his face again. Derek could just see Stiles refusing to meet his eyes the next morning on the bus, deliberately moving to the front of the bus as Derek made his way back, flinching as their shoulders accidentally brushed. 

Before Derek could dig himself into an even bigger pit of despair, his phone began buzzing insistently. Derek's heart dropped when he saw that it was Stiles calling him back, and he spent two full buzzes hastily creating a pro/con list for and against answering the call before he scrapped the list entirely and accepted the call, trying to steady his breath. 

Derek didn't even have the opportunity to open his mouth before Stiles cut in. "So here's the thing: I am loud, I have no tact, I am constantly in motion to the point where I'm a danger to myself and everyone around me, and I haven't been in a stable relationship since I was a sophomore in college. 

"But I loved that hideous t'shirt, you have beautiful eyes, and I think we would be really great in the sack." Derek choked on phlegm, a gross laugh escaping his mouth. 

"So are we even now?" Stiles asked, his voice light but a strained undercurrent revealing his nerves. 

"We're even," Derek said. "But for the record, I think we might have jumped to third date level revelations." 

"Well, I usually put out on the third, so you're in luck!" 

"Stiles..." Derek groaned, reminding himself how terribly inappropriate it would be to be found in the break room sporting a chubbie. 

"But for you, I would have definitely put out earlier," Stiles continued as if Derek never said anything. His voice had taken on this silky quality that was about three seconds away from killing Derek, but he couldn't even be that mad about it. 

"I'm hanging up before you try and rope me into pre-lunch phone sex," Derek growled, biting his tongue before he could admit how much he would be into that.

"Babe, if we were having phone sex, you would already be done," Stiles purred. 

Derek groaned, gripping his the base of his dick through his jeans before it could continue its ascension. "Save that for tonight, when I could put better use for that mouth." 

Stiles laughed as if he didn't hold in his dangerous hands the climax Derek was longing for. "Have fun talking to your sister!" he said before hanging up. 

Derek cursed under his breath at the dial tone, remembering that the phone conversation had been in result of his incompetency to contact his sister. But he couldn't help but mirror Stiles' bright grin from his profile picture as he fantasized about the wild ride in store for tonight. 

Just as soon as he called Laura.


	2. Part Two: The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Date, with aggressive flirting, aggressive eye rolling, and aggressive feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't make the rules, but diners are life y'all. I love this chapter, hope you guys do too!

Derek totally knew how to be cool. It was like, ingrained in his DNA. "Being cool" was his middle fucking name.

"That's gotta be outfit number five, right?" Derek startled violently, clutching the dress shirt in front of him like it was a cross fending off ancient blood thirsty creatures. Or, in this case, his ancient blood thirsty sister. 

"What are you still doing here?" Derek cried, willing his sister to ignore how embarrassingly high his voice was. "I thought you had a date tonight!" 

"No, I do," Laura replied, walking into his room and sitting on the one available surface that didn't have some article of clothing strewn across it. "But Todd will forgive me when I tell him I'm late because I was watching my little bro have a nervous breakdown over some scrawny brat." 

"He is _not _a brat!" Derek snapped. "And also, Todd is gay."__

__"I'm aware of his preferences, idiot," Laura said with a spectacular Hale eye roll. "He's taking me out to this gay bar the next town over, he says he needs protection."_ _

__"Well you're definitely a more effective choice than abstinence," Derek said, immediately recoiling as a shoe went flying at his head._ _

__Laura's phone chimed and she quickly read the text and sent a reply back, standing as she did. "Well, I'm out. Todd says he needs a pre-gaming buddy." She pinched Derek's cheek - despite his attempts to wave her off - and said with a disgustingly salacious wink, "Have fun with your twink!"_ _

__"I hope you get alcohol poisoning!" Derek cried to her before he heard the door slam shut. But who was he kidding; Laura would sooner get alcohol poisoning than Todd coming out as a werewolf. And it was only after Laura had left that Derek realized he had never shown her a picture of Stiles. That damn snoop._ _

__Derek turned back to the issue at hand, considering the different outfits he had in his repertoire of sorts. Each one had its own successful results from the occasions in which they were used, but Derek felt uncomfortable seeing this date with Stiles fitting in with his previous bland dates and one night stands. Derek wanted to look good for Stiles, and just for him - and he had to redeem himself from that damn monster abs t'shirt, for crying out loud!_ _

__Derek briefly toyed with the idea of calling up Lydia or Erica to help him make the decision for him, but he had enough with the women in his life berating him about this date. Just as the thought passed him, his phone started ringing. For a second, he feared that Lydia or Erica had gained psychic abilities and called because he would not, but with a jolt of surprise, he realized that it was Stiles._ _

__"You're not calling to cancel, are you?" Derek asked once he picked up. He was glad Stiles couldn't see him flush like he did; God, could he sound needier or what?_ _

__"Not on my life," Stiles said. Derek really liked how no matter what, Stiles sounded like he was right on the verge of laughing, his tone light and playful, like a dare. "I was just wondering what you're going to wear."_ _

__"Are you trying to coordinate our outfits?" Derek laughed. "What is this, prom?"_ _

__"Hey, a little coordination never killed nobody!" Stiles said._ _

__"Stiles, what did you really want?" Derek said, sitting down on the same spot his sister deserted. "I really don't think the guy who complimented my monster abs t'shirt is really going for the perfect ensemble."_ _

__"Truthfully?" Stiles prompted. Derek gave an affirmative grunt and Stiles heaved a sigh. "Okay, bear with me, because this is going to sound really gross, but I kind of just wanted to hear your voice."_ _

__Derek felt his heart leap into his throat before free falling into his stomach. What was with _this_ guy? Derek was pretty sure that he had never acted this smitten with any of his prior significant others or crushes. But just one word from Stiles and he was a damn puddle._ _

__"Stiles, that is pretty gross," Derek replied as solemnly as he could manage around the smile on his face. "Though to be fair, I've been trying on different outfits for the past forty five minutes like a thirteen year old girl, so there's blame to be shared."_ _

__Stiles laughed, the same laugh that had entranced Derek from his first rides on the bus, and Derek knew that if he didn't put a stop to this, he'd let Stiles talk to him until the sun came up._ _

__But before Derek could propose just meeting up earlier at the restaurant to talk, Stiles said, "I suppose it wouldn't be gentlemanly-like for me to hinder your fretting. So, I'll see you at seven, right?" Derek checked his watch and groaned internally when he saw that it was only 5:45._ _

__"I appreciate your sacrifice," Derek replied drily, smirking at Stiles' chuckle. "And seven it is." Derek hung up after Stiles' quick "bye!" and stared at his phone's dark screen._ _

__One hour and fifteen minutes. If he could wait for three and a half hours in line to meet his favorite author, he could wait that long to see Stiles._ _

__Well, unless the author had eyes that were both terrifying and exhilarating to gaze into, lips that looked almost too good to taint with another's touch, and fingers that were sure to bring about Derek's death...._ _

__Derek stood up abruptly, shaking himself out and ignoring the tent in his pants. He was at least seventy percent sure that jacking off before his date while thinking about said date was some kind of taboo._ _

__Though ten minutes, a wet hand, and sticky chest later, Derek was forced to admit that it might be a little closer to thirty._ _

__\---_ _

__Derek played with the sleeves of his Henley, glad that he decided against the collared shirt because pulling at that definitely would have made him look like an anxious teen. The restaurant that Stiles decided on rested right on the line of comfortable and refined, the interior looking bright and period-centric, like a movie set's interpretation of a 50's diner. Derek couldn't bring himself to enter the establishment, warring with the idea of appearing like he had been waiting for Stiles or looking cool waiting on the curb like he could leave at any time if he wanted._ _

__Eventually the slight chill and the couple judgmental looks he received from fellow patrons entering the restaurant made the decision for him, and Derek found himself inside, blinking several times to adjust to the fluorescent lighting._ _

__The hostess greeted him with the wide grin of someone who was riding the wave of a caffeine high to survive the shift - Derek was familiar with that look, his sister an avid subscriber of that lifestyle when she was a student on top of working at a crappy fast food restaurant years ago._ _

__"Is it just going to be two?" she asked, already reaching for menus._ _

__"Two - ?" Derek asked, looking over his shoulder, expecting to see Stiles hovering over him with a shit-eating grin. There was a shit-eating grin, alright - but from a far worse source._ _

__"Laura, what the _hell_ are you doing here." Derek couldn't even be bothered to make it sound like a question, he was so thrown. _ _

__"What, Der, can I not eat out every once in a while?" Laura said, clamping her hand on his shoulder._ _

__"You guys can follow" -_ _

__"I am _not_ sitting with her," Derek snarled, making the hostess jump. _ _

__"Please excuse Cujo over here," Laura simpered, releasing the hand on Derek's shoulder to shove him in what he's sure she thought was a companionable manner. "He's always embarrassingly antsy before he gets laid."_ _

__The hostess tittered uncomfortably as Derek carefully removed his sister's hand and said calmly, "I will strangle you and I will enjoy every second of it."_ _

__"You know, I never took you as the type to air your kinks out for all the world to hear," a dangerously familiar voice said behind Derek._ _

__"Oh my god," Derek muttered, wishing that tacky checkered floor would crack open and swallow him into its do-wopping depths._ _

__When Derek finally turned around to face Stiles, it was like his sister and the hostess and the whole damned restaurant had vanished. Stiles was in a simple ensemble, a pair of black jeans and a deep blue button-up shirt rolled up at the sleeves, but it was like the cut of the top and the tightness of the jeans were designed to drive Derek _insane_. _ _

__Derek took a deep breath, and then another, but before he could get a word out, Stiles raised an eyebrow, his sights set on a blessedly silent Laura, and continued, "If I had known that the whole date was first come, first serve, I would have staked out ages ago."_ _

__"I would sooner get lead poisoning than go on a date with her," Derek blurted out, completely foregoing the calm and rational explanation he was compiling in his mind._ _

__"What the hell, Derek?" Laura exclaimed. "I would totally treat you right!"_ _

__Stiles looked caught between amusement and confusion, and Derek felt a chill when he considered the situation: there was no way Stiles wanted to go out with a freak who threatened bodily violence on his sister in a cheery restaurant._ _

__Derek grabbed Stiles' hand and steered him to the hostess stand. "This is my date and I would like to be sat with him, and you can seat my sister in the seventh circle of Hell where she belongs." The hostess looked startled, but also immensely relieved, as she lead Derek and Stiles away from Laura's spluttering._ _

__Stiles hadn't said a word as they were lead to a booth, and Derek felt the fire that had fueled his action die out. His hand, mildly damp from nerves, slid out of Stiles' easy grasp as they slid across each other. Derek barely heard the hostess say their server would be with them shortly, Stiles' slight smile at her the only indication that she even said anything before her departure._ _

__The buzzing in Derek's ears made the oppressive silence at the table less dramatic, but every time he even thought about opening his mouth, he felt his stomach lurch. He wished that he had a nervous physical habit, because when he was nervous, he tended to completely shut down, resulting in what Laura called his "serial killer stand-still." Derek sooner wished that Stiles thought he was nervous than he had a desire to chop him up into little bits._ _

__Stiles suddenly laughed, the sound sharp like a gunshot, making Derek startle. "You really don't disappoint," Stiles said, a beautiful grin stretched out across his face. "Nothing sets up a first date better than telling the host to cast your sister to Hell."_ _

__Though Derek's face heated up, a chuckle rumbled through his chest at Stiles' teasing look. "It's not news to her," he mumbled, ducking his head when Stiles barked out another laugh._ _

__"If this is how you treat your sister, I'd love to see how you treat your significant others," Stiles delivered with a wink._ _

__Feeling that same fire from before, Derek unearthed one of his rarely used smirks and said, "Stick around and find out."_ _

__Stiles blushed prettily, a dangerously inviting smile on his face, but before he could say anything, their server approached the table, grinning down at them. "Stiles, long time no see!"_ _

__"Denise!" Stiles crowed, grabbing her hand and kissing her knuckles. "My young grasshopper."_ _

__"Knock it off, or I'm putting red peppers on your fries," Denise replied easily, making a show of wiping the back of her hand on her apron. Derek didn't know how to respond, just tried to shift his resting bitch face into a facsimile of kindness. "Can I get you started with something to drink?"_ _

__"Well I don't know about you, but I need to cool down a little bit," Stiles said, fanning himself while winking pointedly at Derek, "so I'll just start off with some water."_ _

__"Water for the drama queen," Denise said easily, not even bothering to write it down in the bright yellow notebook hanging out of her apron. "And what can I get for you?" The way she was looking at Derek reminded him of the many appraising looks his sister sent his way when they were in public and she didn't feel like loudly abusing him for his shortcomings._ _

__Derek didn't feel like there was any kind of gauntlet thrown or thumb bitten, but he still felt himself rise to the unspoken challenge. "I'll have a strawberry milkshake, please." From the corner of his eye, Derek saw Stiles expand with his shock, his eyebrows falling up and mouth dropping open. Denise just smirked slightly, and Derek knew that somehow he had won this round._ _

__"I'll be right back," she said, rapping the table with her knuckles once before walking off._ _

__"So I see you came to win," Stiles remarked, his eyebrows returning to their home base._ _

__"I have a sweet tooth," Derek argued, the statement easily out of Derek's mouth despite the fact that it was a usually closely guarded secret that was only unwilling discovered by his nosy friends._ _

__"Well, that explains why I'm here," Stiles said, grinning when Derek snorted._ _

__"At best, you're a Sour Patch Kid," he replied._ _

__"You charmer, you," Stiles purred. Derek rolled his eyes, trying to tamp down the smile that was pulling at the corner of his lips. "But alas, I am a slave to Reese's blessed peanut butter and chocolate cups."_ _

__Derek bit his lip so he wouldn't say something dumb about how he could respect Stiles's love of chocolate when he was falling more and more in love with Stiles' bright brown eyes. "So, how do you know Denise?" he asked after a beat of silence._ _

__"It's funny," Stiles said, "'cause I moved here from Beacon Hills" - Derek hoped Stiles didn't catch his twitch - "for school, and I sucked at finding jobs cause the computer science major is a slave driver, so I ended up babysitting one of my professor's kids." Stiles smirked and leaned forward to whisper, "I'm pretty sure she gave me an A- in the class so I wouldn't talk shit about her dirty ass apartment."_ _

__Derek laughed, fighting the urge to lean back and instead inched forward. "Somehow, I feel like she didn't come up with that threat on her own."_ _

__"Who told you that stroking my ego was a sure fire way to get into my pants?" Stiles murmured, putting his hand on the semi-sticky table so that it rested inches from Derek's forearm. Derek could feel the heat from it like it was right on top of him._ _

__"To be fair, I'd rather be stroking something else." Derek knew he got Stiles when a delectable pink flush lit up Stiles' cheeks, spreading down his neck._ _

__"I know exactly how comfortable the bathroom stalls are here, Derek, don't test me," Stiles replied, a sharp smile on his face._ _

__Derek opened his mouth to reply, exhilarated by this blatant flirting, when a glass clunked down in front of him, startling him enough to jump back in his seat. "Denise, have I ever told you that your timing sucks?" Stiles groaned, rolling his eyes as he leaned back as well._ _

__"Yes, but that's what you get for trying to jerk off in my house, dipshit," Denise snapped. Like a switch flipped, she had a wide grin on her face when she continued, "Now, have you had a chance to look at the menu?"_ _

__"I'm gonna have my regular, and Derek will have your deluxe burger, cooked" - Stiles eyed Derek appraisingly for a hot second and continued - "rare, a fried onion ring on top, with a side of your fries, no coleslaw." Denise took note of everything, swept the menus in her hand, and departed with a short nod and, "That'll be out shortly!"_ _

__"Ordering for me, huh?" Derek asked once Denise left._ _

__"Have I ever steered you wrong?" Stiles said with a flutter of his eyelashes._ _

__"No, but Bob sure has," Derek grumbled, eliciting a bark of laughter from Stiles._ _

__"Hey, speaking of - I'd never seen you on the bus before a couple weeks ago, did you just move here or something?"_ _

__"No, my car's in the shop right now, so that was my only option," Derek sighed. "It should be fixed soon, and then I am done with buses for the rest of my life."_ _

__"Aw, come on, don't say that about our spot!"_ _

__"'Our spot'?" Derek echoed with a raise of his eyebrow. "Never really took you for the sentimental type."_ _

__"Liar," Stiles chuckled. "I exude sentiment, it oozes out of my pores."_ _

__"Just like dramatics," Derek added drily._ _

__They went back and forth like this as they waited for their food, talking about their work - Stiles worked as an engineer for the special effects team for Bad Robot, which Stiles saw as only a degree away from working for Marvel Studios, his self-declared ultimate wet dream. Derek felt the urge to comment on how he was certain that Stiles' true "ultimate wet dream" had to be more exciting than that, but he held his tongue - though from the coy look Stiles shot him in the brief silence, Derek was sure he was thinking along the same lines._ _

__Stiles' reaction when Derek explained his tech job with Boyd Industries had him flushing as Stiles started in on how Derek's life was like a porno. "I mean come on!" he cried, narrowly missing taking Derek out with a stray piece of lettuce that flew out of his burger. "Can you imagine someone with your looks all cooped up at a desk and _not_ conjuring any sexy thoughts? You're like a sexy Q from James Bond or some shit, I know it." _ _

__"Stiles, that's ridiculous," Derek snorted. "There is absolutely nothing sexy about algorithms and date structure. The most action I get is wiping crumbs off my pants during my lunch break."_ _

__"Now I find that hard to believe," Stiles replied, looking at Derek from under his eyelashes. Derek cursed inwardly, seeing right through Stiles' innocence - the man knew exactly what he was doing. "You're telling me that there isn't some dick thirsty twink hiding out under your desk on any given day?"_ _

__"If you're offering, I'm sure I could work with HR to fill that position." Derek couldn't remember the last time he felt comfortable enough to be so forward in a date - his one night stands were verbal contracts of a one-and-done transaction, so there wasn't much need for excessive foreplay. And on other dates, Derek never felt this charge that kept building and building with every minute Stiles sat across from him._ _

__"Hopefully that won't be the only position getting filled," Stiles almost purred, pausing to take a long sip of his drink, his cheeks hollowing perfectly and making Derek's dick twitch in his pants._ _

__"Jesus, do I need to hose you down?" Denise's voice came out of nowhere, startling the two men at the table._ _

__"That would only make me stronger," Stiles replied primly, keeping his eyes on Derek. As if on cue, Derek pictured Stiles in a t'shirt and briefs, absolutely dripping wet and the clothes clinging to him like a second skin._ _

__"The check would be great," Derek said abruptly, needing to get Stiles out of this restaurant and into his bed._ _

__"Sure thing," Denise drawled, as if she was well aware of the sexual tension but knew better than to acknowledge it. "I'll be right back, try and keep your clothes on while I'm gone." Well never mind that veil of ignorance, then._ _

__"I don't think I've ever wanted to be more petty than I'm feeling right now and prove her wrong," Stiles said, a wicked smile on his face as his bright eyes pierced through Derek, like he knew exactly what he would find underneath Derek's outfit and that he would like it immensely._ _

__"If we start now, we won't be leaving for a while." Derek's statement was a promise, a threat he intended on following through with - and from the light pink on Stiles' face, he recognized it for what it was._ _

__Denise came back with the bill, which he quickly swiped from Stiles before he could open his mouth (a true feat) and bade Denise farewell. "The next time I see y'all, I'd better not be able to choke on the UST," Denise said sternly._ _

__"Shut up, or you're not getting a goofy comic this time," Stiles snapped, the red in his face matching Derek's._ _

__"Like I ever asked for them in the first place," Denise groaned, shooting a wink at Derek when Stiles pouted. "I'll see you around, Stiles. Nice to meet you, Derek." Denise suddenly whipped out her notepad, nudging Derek sharply in the chest. "You break his heart, I cook you in a burger and serve you to the dogs."_ _

__"Noted," Derek squeaked, gulping audibly when Denise's stormy look disappeared in the next second with a sweet smile and final goodbye. "Remind me to never cross her," Derek said, speaking in hushed tones for reasons he could not explain._ _

__"Only if you do the same to me," Stiles huffed, having missed the exchange while he was doodling on the receipt._ _

__"What's that you're doing anyway?" Derek asked, if not to change the subject from his bloodcurdling fear of a girl several years his junior._ _

__"Oh, every time I'm here, I would draw an installment of a comic strip I created for her: 'The Misadventures of Shane the Server.'" Stiles slid over the copy for Derek to see a fairly drawn scene of a boy - who Derek assumed to be Shane - holding up his tray against what seemed like a crowd of old people._ _

__At Derek's questioning look, Stiles said, "Shane just got a table of 16 senior citizens who are taking forever to order. Seems pretty monstrous to me."_ _

__Derek couldn't fight the warmth that swelled in his chest at Stiles' simply joy at this comic strip, and how this little piece of himself made Derek crave for more bits that would help explain the bigger picture of who Stiles was. "Well, Shane is kind of a douchebag name."_ _

__With a long suffering sigh, Stiles took back the receipt and continued his work. "Everyone's a critic."_ _

__"Well with friends like Erica and Lydia, I feel like you should be used to it by this point." Derek didn't realize his mistake until a couple beats of silence had passed, and he looked up to see Stiles giving him a weird look. "What?"_ _

__"How do you know who Erica and Lydia are?" Derek cursed; he didn't want to clue Stiles into this connection they shared in fear of looking like a stalker or a creep. But Derek knew he wouldn't be able to shake Stiles' curiosity, so after heaving a big sigh, he went on to explain that he worked with Lydia and Erica, and - he continued with a red face - he had mentioned Stiles to them, which they immediately jumped on once they realized who Derek was talking to._ _

__"Oh, I should have known!" Stiles exclaimed once Derek trailed off, playing with the discarded straw wrapper and avoiding Stiles' eyes. "I knew your company sounded familiar. And Lydia kept blowing my phone up today about this date - that nosy bitch." Derek couldn't reign in the snort he let out or the nod that followed._ _

__"That's so unfair," Stiles continued, "they completely left me in the dark while they stockpiled you with information against me." Abandoning the receipt, Stiles pulled out his phone, asking Derek, "What's your last name?"_ _

__"Hale," Derek responded immediately before following up with, "Wait, why?"_ _

__Stiles didn't answer, typing into his phone and scrolling silently, his face impassive and revealing nothing. Derek watched uncomfortably as Stiles kept his attention on his phone, jumping when he suddenly spoke up with, "Your eyebrows grew well with age." The aforementioned eyebrows scrunched up as Derek tried to understand Stiles' statement before Stiles flashed his phone at Derek to reveal his Facebook page, Stiles' scrolling leading him to a picture of him in his early 20's during college. Derek's frown deepened at Stiles' gleeful expression._ _

__"Hey man, don't pout! I'm getting what's owed to me," Stiles crowed with a complete lack of sympathy as he continued scrolling._ _

__"I guess I deserve this," Derek replied tightly, trying to think about everything he's posted in the last five years to remind himself if there was anything incriminating from his occasional use of the platform._ _

__Stiles suddenly snorted, choking on air as he turned his phone towards Derek. "What the actual hell, man?" he gasped, barely acknowledged Derek's groan as he took in the picture of his freshman year in college where he thought that he could be free to wear what he wanted. "Fucking _jorts_ man, I can't!" _ _

__"If I could take it back, I would," Derek sighed. He truly had no one else to blame but himself for that mistake, which almost hurt more._ _

__"Dude, I wouldn't!" Stiles cackled. "College is all about making memories you'll rue in the future, and I'd say you filled the bill with that one." Derek grunted, embarrassment warring with his pleasure at seeing Stiles' unabashed laughter (albeit at his expense) but Stiles thankfully dropped the topic._ _

__Derek found himself getting lost in watching Stiles as he finally gave up stalking Derek on his phone and launching into a story about Bob the Bus Driver, cupcakes, an alcoholic lawyer, and some hilariously misplaced cigars. He was a spectacle to watch, arms flailing, face melding into facial expressions Derek didn't know even know existed, and a spirit so captivating he didn't dare look away._ _

__Derek didn't even realize that Stiles has paused in his story until he was quirking an eyebrow at him, lips pulled into a smirk. "Do I have something on my face?" he asked._ _

__"No! No, I just" - Derek didn't even know what to say, but somehow when the words "I just really want to kiss you" came out of his mouth, he really couldn't regret it. Because man, did he want to. Stiles' lips had become more attractive as the night went on as he kept biting and pulling and chewing on them, as if he had no idea of his oral fixation. Derek didn't let it affect him after he slowly became adjusted to Stiles, letting it retreat to a low simmer - but now, the plates were cleared, Stiles was leaning back, relaxed and grinning, and Derek _wanted_. _ _

__At Derek's words, Stiles froze for half a second before melting, oozing smugness that had Derek feeling heat all over. "You think Laura's ready for that convent?" Derek couldn't help but laugh, even as he wanted to hide in shame over his earlier slip up._ _

__"She's rotting in the seventh circle, so she's not our problem," Derek replied with a grin, standing up._ _

__"Damn, Derek, back at it again with the damnation," Stiles sneered, rising to meet Derek as they walked away from the booth._ _

__"Don't you meme me, Stiles, I swear to god." If it had been anyone else, Derek would have immediately given them the cold shoulder and pretended they didn't exist. But Derek moved closer, grabbing Stiles' hand and pulling him into his side. Derek decided he could get addicted to the warm body pressed against his._ _

__Stiles just chuckled, sidling even closer into Derek's side. "I'll meme you so hard, you won't be able to type straight."_ _

__"Jesus, Stiles, that doesn't even make any sense," Derek sighed, but he would be lying if he wasn't just a little aroused at the innuendo._ _

__They were approaching the hostess stand when Derek was stopped by the same hostess who sat him and Stiles. "Hey, your, uh, sister wanted me to leave this with you?" She was flushing as she passed the folded piece of paper to Derek. The apprehension that was building in him was a sound warning, because when he opened it, a condom - bright purple wrapping and all - fell to the ground with "Wrap it before you tap it, perv" written in Laura's scrawl._ _

__Derek crumbled the paper as Stiles snorted beside him, his laugh jolting Derek's body. He made a move toward the door, but Stiles stooped to pick up the discarded condom. "Hey, a free condom's a still condom," he said to Derek's incredulous face, pocketing the package with a wink._ _

__"I don't want to owe my sister for enabling safe sex with my date," Derek grumbled as he pushed himself - and Stiles, whose hand he was still clutching - out the restaurant._ _

__"Hey," Stiles said, pulling Derek to stop. As Derek turned to face him, Stiles wrapped his hand around his neck, anchoring him as he leaned in and pressed his lips against Derek's._ _

__Derek's body froze for a second, before his mind caught up and he pushed closer, one hand immediately coming to Stiles' waist to pull him flush against his body. Stiles' lips were soft, firm, and felt absolutely sinful against Derek's. Derek let his other hand slide in Stiles' artfully styled hair, the soft strands long enough for him to pull when Stiles bit at his bottom lip._ _

__Stiles pulled away after teasing his tongue over the bite. "You don't have Laura to thank for that one," Stiles said softly, pressing his lips once more against Derek's before continuing, "that's all you, hot stuff."_ _

__Derek grinned, and leaned in to kiss Stiles again, but he was interrupted in his venture by a sharp banging from the wall. Stiles and Derek broke apart to see Denise pressing her face against the glass._ _

__"Quit scaring the homophobes away from the restaurant and get a room!" her voice, although muffled, snapped accusingly._ _

__"Hate crime!" Stiles replied, sticking his tongue out when Denise flipped him the bird, but let Derek pull him away._ _

__"So, my place or your's?" Derek asked, fighting the urge to lick at the cluster of moles highlighted by the fluorescent light above Stiles' car._ _

__"I thought you'd never ask," Stiles said with a toothy grin. "But I really want to see what kind of noises will make Laura give her life to the Lord, and if she looks anything like you, I'd better she'd look great in habits so" -_ _

__If Stiles was curious as to why Derek pushed him against his car to smother him in a series of hot kisses, he would say it was to banish the thought of his sister in nun garb from both their minds._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Would appreciate any kudos or comments. One more part!
> 
> And again for reference, here's the t'shirt: https://www.spreadshirt.com/comic+fat+belly+green+beer+gut+beer+belly+chest-A6530118#/detail/6530118T210A196PC23444125PA330X9Y89


	3. Part Three: The Clash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bus isn't the only thing Derek rides, am I right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lo, porn ahead!! Have fun.

Derek tried to let the ride home calm him, a surprisingly difficult task when his eyes kept wandering to the rear view mirror to see Stiles' headlights behind him. 

It would probably go without saying that it had been a while since Derek's last sexual encounter, a very stilted one stand with a weirdly tearful woman who had admitted that Derek had suddenly turned into the rebound she regretted. A real confidence booster. 

As the streets counted down getting closer to his and Laura's apartment, Derek had a brief panic, wondering simultaneously when was the last time he shaved and if he had folded his laundry from last night. Those thoughts led him to a stop, blinking, as he instinctively pulled into the modest parking lot of their apartment complex. 

The life insurance from their family's untimely passing helped Laura and Derek get through undergrad debt free, but both Hales agreed that the apartment had to hard-earned, thus explaining the vaguely run down look of their six story building. Derek stepped out, wondering if - or how - he could have prepped Stiles for his shitty abode, but he dismissed it as Stiles parked his big blue jeep (a questionable assumption for the hunk of junk it really was) next to Derek's Camaro. 

"This is quite the aesthetic you've got going for you," Stiles commented, giving Derek's building some serious elevator eyes as he slammed his door shut. "Leather jacket, sexy car, essentially run down home. I feel like the people you bring home aren't sure if you're going to fuck them senseless or murder them but they wouldn't mind either option." 

Derek snorted, letting Stiles' gravitational pull rope him in so that he could curl against him, mouth resting against his soft neck. "Where do you fit on the spectrum?" Derek murmured, smirking as he felt Stiles shudder against him. 

"Honestly," Stiles mused, wrapping his arms loosely around Derek's waist, "if you fuck the life out of me, I wouldn't be too opposed." He nudged his head down to butt at Derek's cheek, and when Derek felt something slick drag across his stubble, he bit back a groan, arching into Stiles as he kissed up Stiles' neck to latch onto those plump lips. 

They exchanged fierce kisses that cycled from flirtatious to dirty to soft, bodies attempting to meld further and further into each other until they were one, long enough for the burn simmering in Derek's pit to become almost unbearable. Derek was finally able to pull away from Stiles - after several attempts beforehand failed under the stunning image that was a ravished Stiles - and he gripped Stiles' waist tightly, humming when Stiles bit back a broken groan. "I really don't think your jeep could handle what I want to do to you right now," he muttered. 

"As much as I want to prove you wrong to spite you," Stiles said, his voice delightfully hoarse, "I would much prefer a horizontal surface." Derek grinned, leaning in to lick at Stiles' still throbbing pulse before backing away quickly so Stiles couldn't reel him in for another furious round of making out. He couldn't stop himself from gripping his hand tightly as they walked into the complex. 

"Wow," Stiles said as they walked into the barren lobby. A third of the lights flickered out of sync with the others, another third were blindingly bright, and the final third straight up didn't turn on; there was a pitiful arrangement of furniture like someone has tried to rob the best of what Goodwill had to offer, but gave up; art pieces adorning the walls featured a surprisingly large poster advertising Pink Floyd's _The Wall_ , a simple painting of roses in a vase, and what looked like the characters of Game of Thrones in _The Last Supper_. It was, in conclusion, a lot. Derek and Laura had given up trying to figure it out for themselves or explaining to the few guests they had, and just took it as their landlord's attempt to appeal to the masses. 

"This place is so fucking cool," Stiles said, absorbing all the lobby had to offer as they waited for the elevator. Derek considered taking the stairs, but he didn't want to run into the terrifying outcome of Stiles trying to seduce him in the grimy, murder crime chic stairwell. 

"The fact that you feel that way worries me," Derek replied with a smile on his face, more relieved that the freaky lobby that killed many a boner (or dried up many a vagina) in the past attempts he made bringing someone home was entertaining to Stiles. But then, this really wasn't a surprise, considering this was coming from someone who liked his beer belly shirt. 

"Anyone who can't dig this clearly thinks too highly of themselves," Stiles said sagely as the elevator dinged alerting them of its arrival. 

"Dude, am I about to die in this?" Stiles exclaimed as the elevator creaked close. So it was a little dirty and the light flickered ominously and it sounded like the tortured moans of hell bound souls - it got them from point A to point B. 

Derek said all this and added with a smirk on his face, "and I bet you still want to suck me off anyway." Derek, for once in his life, thanked the elevator's painstakingly slow journey as he pushed Stiles against the wall, distracting Stiles' questioning groan when the elevator squeaked worryingly with a welltimed suck on his tongue. If they hadn't gotten to his floor as soon as they did, Derek was sure that Stiles was about to prove him right with his earlier assumption. 

Stiles stayed close as he followed Derek down the hall, his body heat making Derek's heart race and they weren't even touching. His whole skin felt sensitive and completely in tune with Stiles - it was unlike anything he had felt for a sexual encounter in a while, if at all. Getting the keys into the keyhole became a challenge when Stiles felt it was a good idea to slip his hand under Derek's top, bypassing all barriers to lay his warm hand on Derek's side. Derek flinched instinctively, almost dropping the keys, and he shot a glare behind him. Stiles didn't even try to look innocent, his eyes burning into Derek's with a devil-may-care smirk on his face. 

"You try being patient when you're a door away from a hot price of ass," he purred, slowly sliding the hand up Derek's side. Derek groaned, any blood he might have had in his extremities rushing to his dick at breakneck speed. 

"I swear to god, if you want to get laid, you'll let me open this damn door," he growled. 

"I'm sorry, do you need full concentration to open a door?" Stiles snorted, his hand freezing short of Derek's pec. Oh, how he wanted it to keep moving. 

"You've seen how shitty this place is, you think that unlocking the door is a piece of cake?" Derek rebutted, arching an eyebrow, maintaining a look of dominance even as he fought to let Stiles have his way with him. 

Stiles relented with a look of amusement in his eyes, settling his palm as a brand on Derek's hip, letting his other hand complete the circuit by resting on the opposite side. Derek focused on the usual give and take argument he had with the door before he finally heard the door reluctantly click open. 

"What a damn place," Stiles chuckled, rushing in after Derek. Derek fully expected to be slammed against the door as soon as he closed it and to go right back to their actions in the elevator. But just like in the lobby, Stiles was captivated by what the apartment had to offer with an almost childlike enjoyment. 

There was a very clear divide of what Derek contributed and what bore Laura's mark: the overly plushy plum armchair screamed Laura while the sensible granite side table leaned towards Derek; the centerpiece of the kitchen, a sturdy deep red island breakfast bar, was Derek's pride and joy while Laura had to have the final say with her hideous yellow lamp that looked like a child's estimate of what a kidney would look like. All in all, the space was small, looked lived in - and as much shit Derek gave their admittedly run down space, he loved it. 

Derek was happy to see that Stiles was taking well to what his living space, from the weirdly retro TV he and Laura got from a discount store to the shelves bursting with a combination of video games, computer science books, novels, and cookbooks (the pictures were helpful in convincing Laura to order food when she claimed she wasn't hungry). When Stiles finally faced him after checking out the plaque that once read, "A happy family is one that smiles together," but now, after a fight ages ago, reads "A happy family is one that can suck my balls," he was grinning from ear to ear.

"Dude, this is amazing, and I need your dick in my mouth like yesterday." Derek didn't try to stop the laugh that burst out of him, just pounced on Stiles and pulled him onto the sofa that took almost a full year and a half to stop smelling like ramen and weed from the previous owner. 

Stiles had found a comfortable spot in Derek's lap as they kissed, leisurely rocking up against Derek's stomach as Derek ground up against Stiles' ass. In a second, though, Stiles was sliding down to his knees, wetting his already slick lips as he took in the bulge pressing up against Derek's pants. Derek sent a quick prayer up to anyone listening that he would survive this, because Stiles looked ready to suck his entire soul out of his dick, and he just wasn't ready for it. 

Stiles seemed like he wanted to take his time ridding Derek of his pants, but the longer he took rubbing Derek's clothed hard on and running his hands up and down his thighs as he nosed at the happy trail he revealed when he pushed Derek's top up, the more impatient he got. Derek didn't even have to say anything to speed Stiles along: the moment he opened his mouth to tell Stiles to hurry up, Stiles was already pulling the zipper down and pulling Derek's pants down. He took some time, though, to mouth at Derek through his boxers, sucking gently at the head and groaning like it was torture. Derek thought he was going to melt, his body overheated by the image of a Stiles' mouth wrapped obscenely around his clothed erection. 

Stiles finally had enough with the boxers, pulling them to meet Derek's pants around his calves. "Damn, you have a pretty dick," he murmured, throwing Derek a small smile before returning to eyeing his dick down. "And I love foreskin, holy shit." Stiles took the opportunity to take Derek's bare dick in his hand, muttering about how soft it was under his breathe, but Derek couldn't respond due to his brain going offline the moment Stiles put his hand on him. 

Stiles worked the whole length of him with his hand, grip light but sure. His other hand was running up and down his thigh like earlier, but it also teased at the base of Derek's dick, sliding back to play with his balls. Derek could hear how heavily he was breathing, see how he was shaking, and he felt like he was on cloud nine and he hadn't even come yet. 

"Please, Stiles," Derek said, feeling the urgency to come spread throughout his body - there was no real rush, but seeing Stiles on his knees, focusing so seriously on his hard dick as he pleasured him, was sending him into a horny tailspin.

"Yeah, I got you," Stiles said, pulling back the foreskin and taking the sensitive head into his mouth. Derek choked, his hips instinctively rising off the cushion before Stiles plastered his free hand on Derek's stomach. Even though Derek knew he realistically had a fair chance of breaking the hold, he loved the feeling behind being at Stiles' mercy, of that hand on his stomach being a comfort and protector. 

So Derek let himself respect Stiles' hand and grounded himself by watching Stiles' mouth pull back, wet with spit and pre cum, and come back onto Derek's length, swallowing down. Stiles' eyes fluttered, his face completely blissful as he went down on Derek. He alternated by sucking on the head and jacking the rest or by bobbing his head up and down, taking in most of Derek and fondling his balls. 

The slick sounds of Stiles' movements were matched by Derek's moans, bitten off curses and pleas for something, anything, Jesus, Stiles. He could feel his balls tightening up, the climax getting closer and closer - when there was a sudden _bang!_

Thankfully Stiles pulled back as opposed to biting down, looking incredibly bewildered. "What the _fuck_?" he exclaimed. The distance removed Derek's hand from Stiles' hair - which, when did that even happen? - and gave Derek some clarity, which made him groan. 

"Goddamn, what time is it?" he bit out. 

"What, got a hotter date?" Stiles sniped, eyebrow cocked. 

"No," Derek sighed as he checked the kitchen timer and confirmed that yep, it was 9:12. "I've got idiot neighbors who operate like clockwork." And just as always, the music started blaring and the screaming match that was a facsimile of a conversation kicked up. 

"You are fucking with me," Stiles gasped in his laughter, eyes wide with mirth as he took in Derek's dejected expression. 

"Unfortunately, not yet," Derek replied with a smirk, meeting Stiles in the middle with a pointed look at his half hard dick. He got up, though, pulling up his boxer and pants and taking Stiles' hand once again to lead him to his bedroom. 

"God, paper thin walls," Stiles mused. "It's like I'm back in college. Obnoxious party boys on one side, couple fucking like bunnies on the other" - 

"Don't remind me," Derek groaned, bumping his door open and pulling Stiles in. By some miracle, his laundry was done. "I've had one too many awkward encounters with my other neighbors after their outrageously long nights of love making." 

Stiles suddenly had a dangerous look on his face, and he pushed Derek into his bed before crawling on top of him. "Well, Derek," he said sweetly, "I think it's about time you return the favor, right?" 

Before Derek could piece together what it is Stiles meant, Stiles hit the wall behind him and _screamed_ , "Oh, _fuck_ yeah, Derek!" 

"Jesus, Stiles, what the hell?!" Derek hissed, though his shoulders shook with laughter as he heard sharp rustling from the other side of the wall. 

"Giving your horny neighbors a taste of their own medicine!" Stiles replied with a wild, beautiful smile. "God, Derek," he moaned loudly, "do that again!" 

When Stiles looked expectantly at Derek, Derek quickly shook his head. Stiles didn't take that well, retaliating by viciously pinching Derek in his side, causing him to squeak, " _Fuck_ , Stiles!" 

"Not your best," Stiles mused, "but I'm sure it convinced them." 

Derek laughed at Stiles' smug face and imagining the looks on his neighbors' faces at the sudden onslaught of noise from their usually quiet neighbor. "You're a maniac," he said with an acute amount of fondness in his voice. Stiles' soft smile in response had Derek pulling Stiles down to meet his lips halfway. 

Having Stiles in his bed was unlocking the restraint Derek had earlier, and he was desperate to have Stiles over him, under him, somewhere in a reality where he would never have to stop touching his smooth skin. 

"I need to see you," Derek murmured into Stiles' throat, panting heavily as their clothed erections brushed against each other from a well placed thrust. Stiles responded immediately by throwing off his top, revealed his finely sculpted torso in a spine tingling display. He was more toned than he let on, moles dotting his muscles sparking a challenge in Derek to taste every one. 

Stiles rushed back into Derek's embrace, fighting to pull up Derek's top, and once victorious, his long fingers started dancing in the grooves of his body. "These abs should be fucking illegal," he moaned, curling his fingers to dig his nails in and raking them lightly down to his happy trail. Derek's hips rose up sharply at the sensation, a hoarse shout escaping his mouth that Stiles positively beamed at. Derek, never one to accept defeat, tweaked one of Stiles' nipples, and Stiles' moan was one of surprise and pleasure. Derek continued to roll it between his fingers as he licked sloppily into Stiles' awaiting mouth. 

"How do you want me?" Stiles whispered at some point, when their pants had come off and they had worked a solid rhythm between them that was slowly driving Derek crazy. Derek knew that his physique often lead his male partners to assume that he was top exclusive, and he just played into that stereotype. But there was something about Stiles that made him ache to be filled, to wake up with the telltale ache of being truly fucked out. So Derek made the decision and pushed Stiles off him, ignoring Stiles' confused murmur so he could turn and face the headboard on his hands and knees, ass pushed up. 

Derek heard Stiles' sharp intake and grinned, tilting his head so Stiles could see it. "Will this work for you?" he asked softly, arching his back further so his ass was more pronounced in Stiles' face. 

"Jesus fuck, am I in a porno? Is this real life?" Stiles cried, running his hands up and down Derek's back and crowding up against him to lick at his the sprawling tattoo on his back. Derek shivered, pushing back to feel Stiles' hard dick drag against his ass, so close to his sensitive balls that he moaned. 

"Stiles, please, _today_ ," Derek grunted, stretching over to his end table (and smirking as Stiles groaned at the play of his muscles) to grab his lube and a condom. 

"Dude, you are seriously making my entire life, you don't even know," Stiles started as Derek heard him slick his fingers up. "Do you know how many times I thought about you on that damned bus, what you would look like under those clothes?" He pushed one finger in without warning, and Derek sucked in a huge breath, bearing down and accepting the smooth path Stiles was creating with his finger to relax. Stiles hummed, massing one of Derek's ass cheeks and continued, "Even that damn belly shirt had me hot under the collar, and I'm not sorry about it." 

"Why am I - _fuck_ \- not surprised?" Derek huffed, finally feeling comfortable with the finger that was wiggling and pushing in and out of him. Stiles circled his hole with the wet finger, pressing against it and making Derek grip his bed sheets. 

"You ready for two?" Stiles asked after a couple more moments of the singular intrusion. At Derek's jerky nod, Derek felt another finger pressing in at the same time Stiles circled around his waist to jerk at Derek's half hard dick. Soon, Derek was panting, screwing his hips back to meet Stiles' fingers as they thrust inside him. At one point, Stiles brushed at Derek's prostate, and Derek's entire body jerked violently, a sharp moan ripping from his mouth. " _God_ , Stiles," he sighed, laying his head in his forearms to give Stiles a better angle to work with. 

"Jesus Derek, you are so hot," Stiles said fervently, changing the pace quickly so that his fingers were quickly shoving in and out of Derek's hole in a way that made Derek shudder and curse. "And you're so funny and weird and God, I can't believe you even want me." 

Derek was never really much of a talker in bed, especially not in the way Stiles was revealing himself to be, but he had to let Stiles know how much Derek thought about him and wanted him. "Only took that stupid bus - _shit_ \- so I could see you," he groaned as Stiles introduced another finger into the mix as he played with Derek's balls. "God, Stiles, you make me feel so good," he sighed. His body seemed to be taken over by electric currents that made every inch of him sensitive and ready to spark. Derek reached back so he could trace Stiles' fingers going into his hole, and Stiles groaned, removing his hand so that he could pin it next to his head, lacing their fingers together. 

"Stiles, you need to fuck me. Now." Derek growled. Stiles seemed to ignore Derek, and when Derek tilted his head, he saw Stiles' gaze zeroed into his fingers entering and leaving Derek's body. "Stiles," he repeated, pointedly clenching down to squeeze on Stiles' fingers as they entered. Stiles choked, sharply meeting Derek's gaze. "I need your dick in me." Stiles nodded like a bobble head, his head loose and movements all over the place. 

He grabbed for the condom, but Derek heard himself say, "Wait." 

"What now?" Stiles asked incredulously. Derek rolled himself over and took the condom from Stiles' hands. He finally gave himself the chance to look at Stiles: he was flushed from head to toe, his moles standing out in sharp relief against the red hue. His hair was somehow a mess - most likely from their earlier encounter with Derek's wandering hands - and his plump lips were red and thick and dangerous looking.

Stiles' dick was thicker than Derek's, but not as long, curving beautifully and with a thick head. Derek reached for it with no preamble, pumping it enough for Stiles to moan, gripping Derek's forearm as he jerked into Derek's hold. Derek rushed in to kiss Stiles again, a filthy exchange that was all tongue and spit and exactly what Derek wanted.

"Derek, fuck, are you ready?" Stiles panted, slowing Derek's hand on his dick. Derek opened the condom and rolled it onto Stiles, grabbing the lube to slick him up despite the slickness he was releasing. He kissed Stiles one more time, biting at his lower lip before he turned on his hands and knees again. 

"Fuck," Derek heard Stiles mutter under his breath before he felt Stiles' hands on his hips, and his body heat racketing up as Stiles brought himself closer between Derek's legs. Stiles pulled opened Derek's cheeks to reveal his hole and Derek shivered at the exposure on his wet entrance. 

"One of these days, I'm going to eat you out for hours," Stiles said hoarsely, pushing his thumb in easily. 

" _Stiles_ , please," Derek whined. Stiles gripping his waist tighter was the only warning he got before he felt Stiles' head breaching his hole. 

Derek and Stiles cursed at almost the exact same time as Derek's body accepted the penetration. Stiles slowly kept pushing his way in, Derek feeling every inch of it, until he bottomed out with a groan Derek felt reverberate behind him. Stiles' hips were flush with the back of Derek's thighs, his hard length a delicious weight inside Derek. Derek swiveled his hips after giving himself a few breaths to adjust, and immediately felt a spark light up his entire body. 

"Fuck, Derek," Stiles said almost warningly, pushing forward to meet Derek's hips. 

"Stiles, give it to me," Derek said. And that was all the persuading Stiles needed. 

Stiles pulled back the tip of his dick barely rested inside Derek and shoved back in with a force that took Derek's breath away. Derek scrambled for purchase as Stiles fucking gave it to him, using his hips for balance as he nailed Derek at a punishing pace. 

Derek fought to meet Stiles thrust for thrust, and when he couldn't manage Stiles changed the pace for him, slowing to a thick grind that did wonders for Derek's prostrate and had him shuddering or quick jabs that left Derek wanting more. 

"Jesus fuck, Derek, you feel so good," Stiles hissed into Derek's neck as his dick slammed up into Derek so hard that he yelped. 

"Fuck, Stiles, you - _fuck_ ," was all Derek could get out. The wet sound of skin slapping at skin, Derek's embarrassing amount of sighs and moans and cries, and Stiles' hisses and curses were met only by the solid thudding of his bed frame against the wall. Derek wildly thought about Stiles saying earlier that his neighbors were getting a taste of their own medicine, and somehow that made him even more turned on. 

"God, let me see you," Stiles groaned, pulling out of Derek unexpectedly and grappling with Derek's body to turn him around. Suddenly inspired, Derek let himself be turned around only so he could push Stiles down and climb on top of him. When Stiles realized what he was doing, he groaned loudly at a volume that would normally make Derek want to shush him, but now made him unbearably smug. 

"Shit yeah, Derek," Stiles said as Derek grabbed his length and slowly lowered himself until he had taken Stiles to the root. The new angle sent sharp tingles of pleasure to Derek's groin with every roll of his hips, and he knew he was close. 

Derek clutched at Stiles' shoulders as he lifted his body to slam down on Stiles' dick, Stiles shouting and gripping Derek's hips as he jerked up to meet him. Derek couldn't keep up as consistent a pace as Stiles did, but he used his position to his advantage, grinding on Stiles' dick and clenching on it intermittently to hear him yelp. Stiles looked beautiful, almost other worldly, underneath him, eyes wide and completely blown out, mouth parted to allow sounds loud and soft to exit easily, chest flushed and damp with sweat, making it easy for Derek to run his hands up and down and pull at his nipples. 

Derek being on top also made it easier for Stiles to have access to his dick which was flushed an angry red and dying to be touched. Stiles didn't leave Derek to his own devices for too long, reaching out to grip firmly at Derek's dick, making Derek falter in his movements. 

"Let me," Stiles said, his voice rough and deep and just amazing. Derek shivered as Stiles thrust slowly but heavily into Derek as he stroked him, focusing on the sensitive head that his foreskin pulling back had revealed. It wasn't long before Derek felt the pull in his stomach, his balls tightening, and he laid one hand on Stiles' chest and the other tweaking his own nipple.

"Fuck, Stiles, right there," he whined, thrusting up to meet Stiles' hold and loving the feeling of Stiles' hard heat in him. 

"Yeah, babe, come on," Stiles said softly, reaching up to kiss Derek wetly as he jerked Derek tightly. And just like that, Derek was coming, moaning brokenly as his come spurted out to catch Stiles' hand and chest. He shuddered, grinding down onto Stiles for a couple more beats, and Stiles rose up to meet him, thrusting quickly. With a "shit, _fuck_ me, Derek," he emptied himself inside the condom, rolling his hips tightly against Derek as he came down from his own release. 

Stiles pulled back from Derek so he could slowly lift himself off Stiles, Derek grumbling softly at the emptiness that set in once Stiles was out, and he rolled off next to Stiles. Their heavy breaths were the only sounds in the bedroom, and Derek briefly shut his eyes to fully embrace the excess energy but overwhelming calm of a good fuck. 

When he opened his eyes, Stiles was staring down at him with an almost fond look in his eyes. "Hey," he said, his hand running through Derek's damp hair easily. 

"Hey," Derek replied, reaching up to cup Stiles' cheek. He pulled his head down so Stiles could kiss him softly, the earlier heat replaced with a leisurely exchange. 

"That was so good, man," Stiles said once their kisses were nothing more than hot breaths on lips, close enough that the words were almost on Derek's lips. 

"I would have to agree. Man," Derek said with a slight smirk as Stiles rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah yeah, I still have the mannerisms of a freshman fraternity brother, go fuck yourself," he snarked. 

"Well that's what I have you for now," Derek sniped back. 

"What am I, a human dildo?" Stiles laughed, shoving Derek's shoulder. 

Derek pulled Stiles in close, and Stiles responded I n kind, throwing himself over Derek's body in a sprawl that was as endearing as it was laughable. Derek huffed, nosing at Stiles' shoulder and pressing his lips to it. "Silicon got nothing on you," he said, reveling in Stiles' chuckles as he felt them against his chest. Stiles propped his head on Derek's chest so he could see his grin, and Derek just had to kiss him as he felt something that felt like joy bubble up in his chest. 

"See you in the morning," Stiles murmured against Derek's lips, stretching against Derek as he got comfortable, and Derek couldn't wait to see what tomorrow held, for once in his life. 

\-- 

After Stiles pronounced that Derek's fear of Stiles accosting him in the stairwell was well founded, Derek made them take the elevator when they finally decided to roll out of bed to get breakfast (or brunch, which Stiles was somehow more excited about than plain old breakfast). 

When the elevator creaked open and Stiles and Derek walked in, Derek heard from down the hall, "Hold the elevator!" Seconds later, in rushed his neighbors who had kept him up only a couple nights ago. 

"Oh, good morning, Derek!" The man said cheerily as the woman grinned and ducked her head. 

"Sure sounds like you had a good time last night," she said with an innocent tone but devilish look on her face. Derek's face heated up and he had no idea what to say - but then he felt Stiles' arm circle his waist and heard him say, "I'd say it's a definite 10-4 on the sex front." 

"Jesus, Stiles," Derek hissed, failing to fight the smile on his face when Stiles smirked at him. The hickey Derek left on him this morning was a tempting sight, but Derek fought the urge to press at it when the man mused, "So _that's_ a Stiles." 

Derek buried his head in hand when Stiles guffawed, but wasn't too annoyed when Stiles grabbed at his hand and sweetly interlaced their fingers. Whatever a Stiles was, Derek couldn't wait to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've stuck around or are just joining, thank you very much for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to hit me with kudos and comments! 
> 
> Also, here is the link to the beer belly shirt for context of its hideousness: https://www.spreadshirt.com/comic+fat+belly+green+beer+gut+beer+belly+chest-A6530118#/detail/6530118T210A196PC23444125PA330X9Y89


End file.
